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Acceptance: It is what it is

  Acceptance: It is what it is Photo by  Daniel Uvegård  on  Unsplash Betrayal. Betrayal is hard to accept. It’s hard to get past when you know what you’ve been through and you can’t articulate it in a way that really provides the weight of the gravity and a sense of the urgency that the situation truly should call for. You find out that no one cares what happened to you. No one cares how wrong it was, or how illegal it was. They just want you to shut up so they don’t have to hear about it. So you found yourself discriminated against, you were shunned, you were isolated, and were systematically picked apart by the very people that you should have been able to trust. Then, after it all if you try to explain it to anyone you’re further isolated by their invalidation and inability to understand the true magnitude of what you’d been through. It amounts to a total betrayal by everyone you knew and the idea of having to let it go and let those people get away with it is a near crippling feel
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You are wrong about your narcissist

  You Are Wrong About Your Narcissist Photo by  Andrej Lišakov  on  Unsplash Psychologists will often not believe you if you tell them that your spouse is a narcissist for a couple reasons. The first is that people often don’t truly understand what a narcissist is, and the second is because people are often incorrect with their assessment despite knowing what narcissism is. People can’t diagnose their loved ones. The argument that people can’t diagnose family members roots from a couple of different places. Spouses have a conflict of interest and are too close to the situation to be able to objectively assess and diagnose. Comorbidity confuses people, so they make mistakes within their assessment due to their own lack of training. I actually used to get upset at the notion that significant others have no right to be assessing and diagnosing. I would say that I’m quite capable of identifying abuse and that I’m intelligent enough to be able to assess. However, after really putting in the
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The Reason You Were Selected by the Narcissist

The Reason You Were Selected by the Narcissist Photo by  Bahador  on  Unsplash One of the biggest hurdles that a victim of abuse must jump over if they are to get over their ex and move on with a happy healthy life is to realize that they had a huge hand in their abuse. It’s hard to acknowledge that a person has a role within it, but it’s true. No, this doesn’t excuse any of the behavior that the abuser has done. In no way does what I’m saying excuse any of it. This is also not victim blaming as no one has the right to abuse anybody; but, the fact they played a role is an important realization that all victims need to come to grips with because if they don’t then they have a very high likelihood of repeating the pattern with a new abuser. The fact is, victims typically are not all that self aware. They may be highly in tune with all of the people in their own life but they are often not aware of the extent of their own issues. The victim more often than not has low self esteem and low
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If narcissists can’t see that they are the narcissist then how do, we know we are not the narcissist?

  If narcissists can’t see that they are the narcissist then how do, we know we are not the narcissist? Photo by Jeremy Bishop on  Unsplash Some people believe that if you ask that question then you are not a narcissist because narcissists can’t self-reflect, which I find to be misleading.  A narcissist can and will ask that question of themselves, but they won’t be able to be honest in assessing their behavior as it’s far too biased towards themselves to remotely reflect the truth.  Narcissists will always default to ‘no they are not’ because that is how they’ve trained their brain to think.  The reality is that everyone is narcissistic in the right circumstances, but it’s the level of narcissism that presents which causes damage that one needs to be concerned. There are two reasons or phenomena that occur which prevent a narcissist from being able to see that they are a narcissist.  Often, victims will summarize these points to being ‘narcissists think they are too good and perfect
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Malignant Narcissists Will Tell You What You Want to Hear

  Malignant Narcissists Will Tell You What You Want to Hear Photo by  Maël BALLAND  on  Unsplash Malignant narcissists are experts in emotional abuse. The most nefarious and effective trick that they use on people is in the careful exploration of the person’s deepest needs and desires so that they may weaponize them into a trap. They know that in order to get someone under control they have to find out what the target wants so they can bait them in a way that keeps the target coming for more. After carefully mining you for information which you likely spilled out without any regard for how these details will be used against you, the Malignant narcissist will dangle those wants in front of you like a carrot on a stick. You’ll see what you want right there in front of you. You’ll think you can touch them they are so close, but just as soon as you reach forward to claim what it rightfully yours, they’ll pop it up and out of reach then slowly lower it until you’re tempted to go for it agai
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The Wreckage of the Narcissist

  The Wreckage of the Narcissist Photo by  Marek Piwnicki  on  Unsplash Narcissism is insidious. Here you are cruising through life on a highway and things are going pretty good. There is the odd curve every now and then but it’s no problem for you to navigate through them. You feel quite confident you have this life driving thing figured out. Then one day you meet someone who creates this whirlwind of a situation when you first get together. It’s exciting, it makes you feel alive and excited. Your car is now speeding on that highway, but boy does it feel good to throw caution to the wind and push down that gas pedal. After a while, they start growing complacent with their ‘be on best behavior so the little potholes in the road that were there when they were testing you in the beginning have now turned almost crater like from their random temper outbursts. Still, the potholes aren’t all that common and you can typically steer around them, so you aren’t bothered by those red flags too m
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Psychopaths vs Narcissists

  Psychopaths vs Narcissists Photo by  Nicholas Kusuma  on  Unsplash Narcissists get a lot of bad press these days as they truly are the scapegoat of the Cluster B family. All of the other disorders seem to slide by without much noise unless there is something really high profile occurring in the news because of a particularly bad crime or public breakup. When I refer to narcissists in this article I’m talking about the regular run of the mill narcissists, not the malignant narcissists as those ones truly are a real menace. No, in the case of a regular narcissist they are pretty easy and pretty simple to deal with once you have them figured out. Narcissists need to protect their ego at all costs, and they need to avoid shame at all costs. So, when you’re dealing with one, just make sure that you're pumping up their ego as much as you can and avoid confrontations with them as much as you can, then you should be able to work with them just fine. In a relationship it’s a bit different
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The Secret to Making It Work with a Covert Narcissist

  The Secret to Making It Work with a Covert Narcissist Photo by Randy Jacob on Unsplash If you are someone that is in love with your covert narcissist then there is one secret tactic that you’ll absolutely need to have in place if you are going to last any length of time with your self-esteem and self-worth intact. You love your narcissist. You love it when we make you feel special and you feel like you are elevated when you are with us. Like the two of us form an elite team that is better than everyone and you’re proud to be part of something so awesome that it makes you feel great. We have an energy and a presence when we enter into any room and it seems like people want to hear what we have to say - they seem value you a little more for some reason and it seems like they look up to us in some way because of our relationship.. It’s all very strange but somewhat intoxicating as well. Its the illusion that you buy into. The only problem is that Ineed to pick apart the things that you
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What you need to know about Codependency

  What you need to know about Codependency Photo by Morgan Housel on Usplash Attachment Style Codependency roots from an attachment trauma that a child received in their early years. There are many different causes for attachment trauma ranging from neglect, to child abuse, to the main caregiver becoming ill or hurt, necessity for survival (working for food), to the baby itself being sick or in a lot of pain. Codependency typically accompanies an anxious style of attachment. It is the inverse of narcissism because the narcissists attachment trauma typically manifests itself in an avoidant attachment style. Once a child has an anxious attachment style — if they have any instability at home or some perceived threat to their security they will often move into a people pleaser role growing up. They will attempt to take care of the needs of their caregiver or to avert disturbing temper flares by catering to them and by being the good child at the beckon call of the parent. Arise my People P
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Dark Psychology - Manipulation

  Dark Psychology There are many different psychological mechanisms that are  present in society on a daily basis.    These mechanism utilize a person's fears and their ability to interpret messages that their aggressor wishes for them to have.    Everywhere from the office to the club, to your very own home, you are subjected to various forms of manipulation from people.     Manipulation has a bad rap.    People believe that manipulation is a bad thing because of how it makes them feel when they find out that they have been manipulated.   People get upset because it makes them feel like a lesser person, like they have been victimized in some way, and often like they are not intelligent.    Manipulation can be used for good purposes however.    In the case of a newborn baby the very first thing it learns how to do in order to survive is to cry.    By crying they trigger their mother to come and take care of their needs.   They learn this extremely quick and it is a normal behavior
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Why is there an addiction to narcissistic partners?

Why is there an addiction to narcissistic partners? This is just my personal theory on the topic as I’ve thought a lot about variances of this question and my own situation. This is what I have come up with as to why:  Enmeshment - enmeshment often gets spoken about from the abusers perspective. Where they purposefully inject themselves into someone else's life and take control and influence over everything and using it as a means to isolate them from their supports. There is a different version of enmeshment that occurs with narcissism that has the narcissist get their significant other into all of the aspects within the narcissists life. So, they assign them duties and tasks that are integrated right into the narcissists life. These keep getting added on as the relationship continues and more and more of these aspects of the narcissists life becomes the significant others responsibility. It can get to the point where the significant other has no time at all for the things they
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Gaslighting - rewriting history by changing your memories

  Gaslighting — The Rewriting of History Photo by  Toa Heftiba  on  Unsplash I would suspect that if you are aware of gas lighting then you’re aware of how most abusers use it to try to get out of trouble and to try to flip the script so that you’re the one that is on defense. They try to make it so that they never have to feel that shame and they never have to be the bad guy. They can be the perpetual victim and they can always be the one telling the sob story for the sympathy hit, or they can be the justified avenger that finally had enough. In all cases you’re the bad guy and they are the good guy but, it’s petty enough and childish enough that it doesn’t really effect you, despite the annoyance of someone denying what you know to be true. True gaslighting is much more insidious than that. If you’re truly the target of someone with real malintent in mind then this person will sadistically try to break you down mentally and emotionally with the ultimate goal of complete control over
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Are there other ways in which narcissistic rage manifests besides yelling and arguing?

 Are there other ways in which narcissistic rage manifests besides yelling and arguing? Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash Yes, the rage can manifest itself in the worst way imaginable. Silence. But oh no, not the silence you they use as punishment during a normal drag you down cycle. This one is special. In the immediate moments after a narcissistic injury is sustained and their emotions become dysregulated there can almost be a frantic grasping at reasons and connecting of events to outcomes that never even occurred all with the sole purpose of offloading as much fault and blame onto you as possible. Its almost like the shame meter hits a tipping point and there is an overspilling of shame that has to go somewhere so it is going to you. You will be blamed for things that you were not even present for and deals/agreements made will be completely spun another way to place you as a doer of wrongs. You might get told to never talk to them again or they will file a restraining order on
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Is it Good to be a Psychopath?

  Is it good to be a psychopath? Photo by Sivani Bandaru on Unsplash People often treat psychopathy like it’s some type of super power. As if it makes for a superior human being because of the lack of fear and the inability to manipulate them through emotional appeals. Sure, they have an edge when it comes to escalating things as nothing scares them so they naturally are able to keep cranking up the stakes until you can’t escalate anymore. That is an advantage. Taking things to the extreme is what they are good at, while ensuring that they are in a power position over whomever they are dealing with. If they can’t be in a power position then they’ll never get involved. This is why it’s so hard to beat a psychopath. If you’re in a winner takes all situation you can bet that they feel like they have some edge on you so you need to think really hard about what is going on in order to see why they feel that way, or else you’ll find yourself screwed in the end. The psychopath is the expert i
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How is a narcissist affected by someone who rejects them romantically?

 How is a narcissist affected by someone who rejects them romantically? Photo by  Warren  on  Unsplash I have a slightly different take on this one than most people. Usually, people believe that narcissists think that they're God's gift to the earth which they do create that aura around them. They do talk like they believe it and they do act like they believe it. So as a result, people believe that why narcissists react so horribly to the rejection of a romantic interest is because they cannot accept that somebody wouldn't want them. I believe it's the other way around. I believe that for the vast majority of narcissists their fear of rejection is rooted in their childhood. They are actually hurt when they're acting this way because it actually touches a core wound of theirs around rejection. It touches that wound around why they actually have low self-esteem and don't believe in themselves. This is the true route of why they can't let it go. The other ones
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Laws Against Narcissism

 Laws Against Narcissism Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash Judiciary Law This is a tough issue to grapple with as a whole but there is a very specific reason as to why there can’t be laws against narcissistic abuse and by connection conviction for insidious narcissistic abuse. Okay, first — why this can’t be done. There are laws in place already which cover narcissistic abuse. They are called laws. They apply to narcissists and regular people, and they are to be applied without bias and to the appropriate extent as interpreted by a judge often by past precedent. The crux of this problem is simplified like this: A regular person is found guilty of manslaughter and goes to jail for 5 years A narcissist is found guilty of manslaughter and goes to jail for what? 8 years? Why would narcissistic manslaughter be worth more than regular manslaughter? What’s the difference that would necessitate a longer sentence? We have laws against attacking someone, we have laws against murder, st
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What are the weak spots on a malignant covert narcissist and how might they be exploited?

 What are the weak spots on a malignant covert narcissist and how might they be exploited? Photo by  Erik Mclean  on  Unsplash What I'm about to stay here only applies to those people that are malignant narcissists that do not get violent. This is not applicable to anybody that has a history of violence or has the propensity to become violent. With a malignant narcissist, just like with the other narcissistic subtypes their issue and blind spots are all self-esteem related. All of their motives and actions are self-esteem related. Their weak spots are self-esteem related. If you want to harm them you have to target their self-esteem. You have to target embarrassment. You have to make them feel bad about themselves in a way that they can't deflect it. One thing that works well is public embarrassment by bringing up their failures or flaws openly. Their defenses will not work in this situation as they can't deflect other people's opinion of them. Their weak spot is in how
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