The Dying of the Light

  You Are Wrong About Your Narcissist Photo by  Andrej Lišakov  on  Unsplash Psychologists will often not believe you if you tell them that your spouse is a narcissist for a couple reasons. The first is that people often don’t truly understand what a narcissist is, and the second is because people are often incorrect with their assessment despite knowing what narcissism is. People can’t diagnose their loved ones. The argument that people can’t diagnose family members roots from a couple of different places. Spouses have a conflict of interest and are too close to the situation to be able to objectively assess and diagnose. Comorbidity confuses people, so they make mistakes within their assessment due to their own lack of training. I actually used to get upset at the notion that significant others have no right to be assessing and diagnosing. I would say that I’m quite capable of identifying abuse and that I’m intelligent enough to be able to assess. However, after really putting in the

The Reason You Were Selected by the Narcissist Photo by  Bahador  on  Unsplash One of the biggest hurdles that a victim of abuse must jump over if they are to get over their ex and move on with a happy healthy life is to realize that they had a huge hand in their abuse. It’s hard to acknowledge that a person has a role within it, but it’s true. No, this doesn’t excuse any of the behavior that the abuser has done. In no way does what I’m saying excuse any of it. This is also not victim blaming as no one has the right to abuse anybody; but, the fact they played a role is an important realization that all victims need to come to grips with because if they don’t then they have a very high likelihood of repeating the pattern with a new abuser. The fact is, victims typically are not all that self aware. They may be highly in tune with all of the people in their own life but they are often not aware of the extent of their own issues. The victim more often than not has low self esteem and low

  If narcissists can’t see that they are the narcissist then how do, we know we are not the narcissist? Photo by Jeremy Bishop on  Unsplash Some people believe that if you ask that question then you are not a narcissist because narcissists can’t self-reflect, which I find to be misleading.  A narcissist can and will ask that question of themselves, but they won’t be able to be honest in assessing their behavior as it’s far too biased towards themselves to remotely reflect the truth.  Narcissists will always default to ‘no they are not’ because that is how they’ve trained their brain to think.  The reality is that everyone is narcissistic in the right circumstances, but it’s the level of narcissism that presents which causes damage that one needs to be concerned. There are two reasons or phenomena that occur which prevent a narcissist from being able to see that they are a narcissist.  Often, victims will summarize these points to being ‘narcissists think they are too good and perfect

  Malignant Narcissists Will Tell You What You Want to Hear Photo by  Maël BALLAND  on  Unsplash Malignant narcissists are experts in emotional abuse. The most nefarious and effective trick that they use on people is in the careful exploration of the person’s deepest needs and desires so that they may weaponize them into a trap. They know that in order to get someone under control they have to find out what the target wants so they can bait them in a way that keeps the target coming for more. After carefully mining you for information which you likely spilled out without any regard for how these details will be used against you, the Malignant narcissist will dangle those wants in front of you like a carrot on a stick. You’ll see what you want right there in front of you. You’ll think you can touch them they are so close, but just as soon as you reach forward to claim what it rightfully yours, they’ll pop it up and out of reach then slowly lower it until you’re tempted to go for it agai