Laws Against Narcissism

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Judiciary Law

This is a tough issue to grapple with as a whole but there is a very specific reason as to why there can’t be laws against narcissistic abuse and by connection conviction for insidious narcissistic abuse.

Okay, first — why this can’t be done.

There are laws in place already which cover narcissistic abuse. They are called laws.

They apply to narcissists and regular people, and they are to be applied without bias and to the appropriate extent as interpreted by a judge often by past precedent. The crux of this problem is simplified like this:

A regular person is found guilty of manslaughter and goes to jail for 5 years

A narcissist is found guilty of manslaughter and goes to jail for what? 8 years?

Why would narcissistic manslaughter be worth more than regular manslaughter? What’s the difference that would necessitate a longer sentence?

We have laws against attacking someone, we have laws against murder, stealing, etc. etc. Basically, every physical crime has a law for it so how do we create special narcissist laws where when you line them up against the regular laws it is little more than favoritism and punishment? Unfortunately, that is not going to happen because of the constitutionality of the whole idea.

Basically, to make special narcissist laws we would have to make sure we have a way of identifying who those laws apply to right? So now we are talking about lists of registered narcissists that would exist. Then who gets access to these lists? Just the police? What about airlines? Or bouncers? etc. If these lists are published, then there are privacy concerns as we just published a diagnosed health issue on a list of people without their consent.

Further, with this list we just took a minority population who have a diagnosed mental health problem who may never have been convicted of a thing, and we classified, segregated them virtually and have created a hit list for anyone with a grudge against narcissistic — I know , seems far fetched people would hold that kind of grudge but believe me there are some very hurt and angry people after these relationships.

If civilization started to break down due to a prolonged depression or war then these lists can really quickly become genocide death camp lists.

What about Emotional Abuse?

Right, that’s a good point. What? Don’t we have laws against emotional abuse?

Well, in many cases there are but they are covered under the Domestic Violence laws. In terms of a legal definition Emotional Abuse isn’t defined because it’s such a hard concept to put brackets around because it is so situational and individualized that to define it would be impossible. There is no standard definition per se but it does have some commonalities that can be defined.

It typically contains:

• Verbal aggression which includes lies and false statements about the other person.
• Dominating or repressive behavior to create a subordinate or obedience out of another individual.
• Implanting ideas of jealousy or slander of another individual
• Forcing someone to view disturbing images, videos, or behavior.

The law recognizes emotional distress as a state of mental suffering that occurs because of negligence or intentional acts of another, usually physical in nature. Emotional distress is exhibited by feelings of shame, humiliation, insomnia, depression, self-destructive thoughts, anxiety, stress, or another emotional response from a traumatic event.

Typically, in order to sue for monetary compensation there has to be a physical aspect to the abuse. However, as of June of 2019 most courts recognize the right to award monetary damages for non-physical emotional distress claims where there is sexual harassment or defamation.

Most legal actions that get filed with regards to emotional abuse are under the laws that cover Negligent Infliction of Emotional Distress (NEID) and Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress (IIED).

IIED reefers to someone who recklessly intentionally behaves in a way that is extreme or outrageous which causes another person to suffer severe emotional distress or trauma.

Individuals can receive compensatory and punitive damages, but the challenge is in proving that there was mental harm. Someone saying or doing something that embarrasses you would not qualify but, if the person knew you had PTSD and kept subjecting you to that trauma that may qualify.

NEID is similar to IIED but the persons actions were not intentional but must have acted in a negligent manner and the victim must prove they suffered some type of physical injury as well. A case where a family member sees their loved one die due to a drunk driver would qualify.

So What is the Gap?

First, we wouldn’t need narcissistic laws of emotional abuse for the same argument that I have stated above where abuse laws apply equally to all individuals in order for those laws not to be discriminatory in themselves. So emotional abuse laws would apply to any abusive situation not just if the person was diagnosed as a narcissist.

Non-physical emotional abuse such as sexual harassment and defamation have greater transparency because of the overt nature of the acts themselves. It gets harder to prove when the events don’t fit within those brackets and for a few different reasons.

Emotional abuse does not leave physical marks.

The person needs to have seen a therapist or doctor that has diagnosed PTSD (Its not a requirement but is near impossible to prove emotional distress without an objective professional opinion.

The subjective nature of emotional abuse. Its customized and individualized so what is extremely distressing for one individual may be a total joke to another.

Proving intent to harm by utilizing whichever strategy that caused the emotional distress.

Emotional distress claims have a statute of limitations on them of 2 years. Outrageous conduct means more than insulting, threats, annoyances, and petty oppressive actions. So, someone yelling at you and swearing saying they hope you die is not considered outrageous conduct but if they maliciously told you that your daughter or son was dead, that could qualify.

Emotional distress claims can be cost prohibitive because of the need to have professionals that can attest to the damage being done, hiring of expert witnesses, building the pool of evidence to support the claim.

Limitations/Gaps/Shortcomings

As far as the law is concerned:

• You need to be able to prove that the damage to your mental health was done. So, the burden of proof is on the victim.
• Due to the subjective nature of emotional distress an expert will be needed to testify on your behalf.
• It does not take into consideration the accumulated effects of long-term abuse.
• The existing laws around restraining orders are viewed as sufficient when there is no physical threat present, but it doesn’t take into consideration attachment trauma and trauma bonding.

Basically, the existing laws look at physical separation as the answer for emotional abuse. That does not take into consideration when financial abuse is present, and the victim is simply unable to leave due to not having a place to go or any money to leave.

Granted there are shelters etc but that tis a difficult step to take filled with uncertainty for someone who likely has no self-esteem or self-assuredness. Still, there is merit in the notion that someone has to help themselves as well as the world around you can’t save you — its a decision you have to make and act on.

Having said that, the law doesn’t really consider attachment trauma and the trauma bond and what an incredibly strong impact that can have on an individual if they are unaware of what is driving their compulsion toward their abuser.

The fact that insults and cut downs are not actionable doesn’t consider the accumulated affects of being subjected to that, but again — the law’s position is for physical separation and if the victim is not using restraining orders or do not contact orders to get that separation then at what point is the victim responsible for themselves?

So what can we do?

We can get the members of Parliament or whatever you have down there, the Congress I guess — and have them put forward a motion to toughen up certain punishments for certain crimes but then those laws would apply to everyone not just one small group of people - it's fair. It's not flashy but if there is a deficiency that would be how to address it.

We can try to get awareness around the trauma bond and attachment trauma as well as the accumulative nature of the lesser abuses like name calling etc. If professionals can figure out a way to quantify or prove the trauma bond itself keeps a victim trapped in that circumstance, then it might be actionable.

The trouble is really illustrated by the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard situation in that as things escalate there most often is reactive abuse so potentially both parties are trauma bonded to one another and both are guilty of the accumulative minor attacks.

The best bet is to get a long-standing record of the emotional abuse with a professional documenting it.

Is that enough?

No. The problem isn’t necessarily the laws that are in place it's the interpretation of those laws and those on the front line not being educated as to how abuse can look so they often take the abuser's side.

All of these positions in the law or anywhere that has to deal with the public and make a call as to right or wrong needs to be trained in disorders. Even director level and Managers should be in organizations, but someone would have to start that drive to make that awareness. Not many are willing to after escaping a relationship as they are just finally glad to have some peace.

What can we do to protect ourselves?

Boundaries. Its proven that narcissists like to rush things in the beginning. If people kept firm boundaries and didn’t bend on them the narcissist would give up and move onto someone easier before they got close enough to ruin your life.

This could look like dating them one night a week for the first month and never going to their place or your place — do the date and leave to go home. Do that for a month and that narcissist will either be gone or will have had some type of a meltdown on you for not letting them get close.

The crux of emotional abuse is the victim has weak boundaries. They put up with it. They are patient, they are forgiving, they are their own biggest problem because they allow themselves to be subjected to this mistreatment in the first place.

With healthy boundaries you will not put up with someone cutting you down and insulting you.

You will not have fallen in love or gotten trauma bonded to that individual because the first cut down or two wouldn’t have been shrugged off there would have been a warning given. The second cutdown a separation.

It is the lack of those boundaries that makes victims ‘pass the test’ that they are given and subjects them to the hot and cold treatment that would imprison them in the relationship

Boundaries are the answer — not tolerating what you would never do to a kid or a stranger….don’t allow your significant other to do to you..

The distance and the time boundary will work wonders at protecting yourself against future narcissists.