The Wreckage of the Narcissist Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Unsplash Narcissism is insidious. Here you are cruising through life on a highway and things are going pretty good. There is the odd curve every now and then but it’s no problem for you to navigate through them. You feel quite confident you have this life driving thing figured out. Then one day you meet someone who creates this whirlwind of a situation when you first get together. It’s exciting, it makes you feel alive and excited. Your car is now speeding on that highway, but boy does it feel good to throw caution to the wind and push down that gas pedal. After a while, they start growing complacent with their ‘be on best behavior so the little potholes in the road that were there when they were testing you in the beginning have now turned almost crater like from their random temper outbursts. Still, the potholes aren’t all that common and you can typically steer around them, so you aren’t bothered by those red flags too m
What are the weak spots on a malignant covert narcissist and how might they be exploited?
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What are the weak spots on a malignant covert narcissist and how might they be exploited?
What I'm about to stay here only applies to those people that are malignant narcissists that do not get violent. This is not applicable to anybody that has a history of violence or has the propensity to become violent.
With a malignant narcissist, just like with the other narcissistic subtypes their issue and blind spots are all self-esteem related. All of their motives and actions are self-esteem related. Their weak spots are self-esteem related.
If you want to harm them you have to target their self-esteem. You have to target embarrassment. You have to make them feel bad about themselves in a way that they can't deflect it.
One thing that works well is public embarrassment by bringing up their failures or flaws openly. Their defenses will not work in this situation as they can't deflect other people's opinion of them. Their weak spot is in how other people view them and it determines how they view themselves.
Fear of embarrassment is why they are so quick to get on the smear campaign. They hit you with the things that they are the most vulnerable with. The things that impact them and harm them are the very things that they hit you with. They hit you with them because they know that it hurts them so therefore they're narcissism makes them think that it hurts you as well. This creates a blind spot.
Strategy
One strategy to make use of this blind spot it to make them think you care about things that you don't care about, so they target that instead of something that will actually bother you. Then in the other instances, get tough on the things that they do target that do hurt so they don't hurt anymore through radical acceptance.
You have to accept that whatever it is they are targeting will be destroyed and accept the loss. By doing so you remove their power. They get their power over you from your fear of loss. When you no longer care about losing they lose a lot of their power. Make yourself invulnerable to what it is that they have to attack with. That's how you defend yourself.
You can hit them back the very same tactics that they're using on you. You can bet that that is where they are weakest and that is where you will find their blind spots.
Just be careful though as there is a risk here. You have to hit them so hard that they never want to see you again because if you just do a little bit of damage and they are getting away with chipping away at you, then they will chip away at you for the rest of their life because it's a good way for them to get self-esteem from your pain through their sadism.
If you hit them hard enough though you can get them to stop. They run from pain. Their entire existence is about running from pain.
You make them feel enough pain and they will not come back.
Your Risk For Engaging
The biggest risk that you face, is that you become the bad guy in everyone else’s eyes. Remember malignant narcissists are literally experts at getting other people to do their dirty work. They are master manipulators that will always have plausible deniability and they will have other people doing the attacking on you. So in order to not be the bad guy you have to follow their footsteps.
They will bait you into situations where you agree something under the guise of a different premise but the underlying reason is is because they know you're going to get creamed in some other capacity. There's always a side agenda.
So, while you're hammering on them and doing the public embarrassment and everything it will be connected directly to you so it will reflect on you. The attack’s that they do will have other people attacking you. They will do this by giving up a secret of yours, they repeat something that you didn't want repeated, they set you up in a such a way that when you react and in doing so you piss people off and then those people want to attack you/or they're no longer on side.
In order to beat a monster you have to become a monster
It’s not just a catchy phrase. It is the truth. If you are going to attack a malignant narcissist you have to use their timeless strategies against them. You see they know that you can’t attack people head on and get away with it for very long. This is why victims get surprised so much when they finally fight back and people start blaming them. Malignants know that by attacking someone straight on you have blood all over your hands and you’re going to be the one blamed.
No, you can’t go head on with them. You need to become a manipulative schemer just like they are. You have to use other people to attack them. You have to set up the dominoes so they are the ones that find themselves in really bad situations. You have to lie, manipulate, and orchestrate so that way nothing comes back to you - just like what they do. You have to be come a malignant as well.
The Power of the Malignant
Malignant narcissistic power is all about your reactions. That is where they get their power. It's by manipulating your emotions to get a reaction out of you which they can use against you.
If you want to remove their power you must remove your emotional reaction. This is why they say gray rock is so effective, but it's more than that.
It's control during your daily interactions so that way you don't fall for whatever it is that they're setting you up for. If you don't emotionally react or impulsively react then they won’t be able to align the stars in such a way and push your buttons in such a way that they get you to hang yourself.
That is what they love the most is when they arrange a situation and you hang yourself by being predictable and impulsive. You have to have complete control of your emotions if you're going to fight a malignant narcissist. Most people don't and that is why they constantly win.
Malignant narcissists learned to suppress things in such a way that it makes them very good at manipulating and attacking. But they are still vulnerable with public embarrassment. They are vulnerable to what people think of them so open condomination from other people will embarass them and crush their self-esteem. They are extremely vulnerable and those certain areas.
Just be warned, if you don't harm them enough and you just tick them off then you've got your hands full probably for the rest of your life, or at least for a good chunk of it. You're going to have other people attacking you because of the malignant narcissist and you're going to be set up for sabotage constantly.
You're always going to have a string of bad luck that ultimately is connected to them. They will do everything in their power to constantly make you trip and constantly make people think you're bad. The worst part is you’ll know why it’s happening and who is behind it but you’ll never be able to prove it.
So between taking even more damage on , becoming the very monster yourself in order to avoid public scrutiny and the destruction of your own reputation and the guarantee of a protracted battle - there is a lot of incentive to just walk away.
This is why the wise people say it’s better off that you don’t engage at all.
Accept your loss as it is and look at not reacting as an investment for the future. Otherwise when you engage you will likely do damage to them but they won’t stop easily. So that means you are most certainly going to take more damage than you have currently. Disengaging and removing yourself from the situation will minimize the damage moving forwards.
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